It's been a long time..

Hi! It's been really long since the last entry, which was like what, a month ago? Haha okay, no one's reading anyways.

________________

So anyways, a lot had been happening in my life lately. Lol okay i sound so, matured saying that but oh well, im fourteen, still young, and i experience stuff too. Bad stuff, which i hate and not strong enough to face so i end up falling down, and i dont know how to get back up. I know, i know, i sound so over it as a 14-year old teenager  but whatever, this is my blog, i write whatever i feel and what i want.

1) Ramadhan + Eid

So Ramadhan came, and it left. It's September now, so it had ended. Did i blog about Ramadhan? I dont think so.. Haha. Ramadhan this year sucked. In fact, everything sucked this year! Even Eid, which was supposed to be happening and exciting but nope, it didn't. Plus the fact that many of my cousins are gonna facing SPM this year, and the trial is like, 5 days away from Eid. How sad is that?! My duit raya collection this year, i swear, isn't much. The total is like less than RM200. That is so very pathetic! My target's RM300 but sadly it wouldn't reach it hahaha! So anyways, i didn't fast fully this year. You know why.. Lol. Oh and i didn't fast for 4 days extra, due to my shitty health problems. Which means, i have to fast later, when everyone could eat and i cant. Ugh that's the worst part and i hate being what they call, 'matured'. Ew this is gross hahaha! In conclusion, Ramadhan + Eid sucked ass. OK.

2) Random stuff

Ok i dont know how to blog about this im totally out of inspiration and lack of ideas and i forgot what i was gonna type just now so sad dksjfkldsfdklshfdjkfghdsjkfhdjkfyheufhdjfsaiowyhrfhdaskljdsahfklsfdjhskfhdjk OK FUQ EVERYTHING. JUST EVERYTHING!!!!! KBAI

Fasting Update

Hi! So it's the 10th day of Ramadhan, and so far im doing good. Except for the fact that i ate tons today, and i freaking took my sahur! Damn i feel like a fat pig. It's already 11:25am and i am still bloated of eating just now. Why did i even eat?! Ugh. My goal was supposed to be:

1. Fit and toned body
2. Lose fat all around
3. Core abs
4. Feminine muscles (LOL)

But it never seem to happen. Well, i lost around 5 pounds and thats good. But the fact that my muscles aren't building up (except my leg part) is devastating. I want abs! But well, #neversaynever!

Oh you see this babe up here? See her smokin' hot body? I want a body like that! Not fat, not skinny, but fit and toned. God isnt she hot? And im here, typing and eating JCo's. Brb wanna take more donuts LOL i joke. And i know, to get abs and all that i have to eat really, really healthy. Maybe im not ready for that yet, because i love food like duh. So yeah. Maybe next time. But i will still try.

I am lame and i have nothing to say. Bye! <3

God these donuts are fattylicious!

Vices + Virtues

Why, hello thur lovely earthlings! I'm bored. Lol i is always bored so this is one of my blogging-because-im-bored-but-i-aint-a-good-blogger-like-maria-elena entries. Forever lame = Me. But whatever, being lame is one of a kind, very unique and special. I like being special, so the spotlight is on me LOL forever perasan.

Oh, see this girl up here? She's pretty. Like very pretty lah. Look at her hair face lips noce eyes body shoulders eyelashes cheeks ears and blabla just see everything lah! Isn't she pretty? If you said she's not then youre dumb. Hehehe. I love her hair. Omg in fact, i want her hair! But like, pfft yeah right as if i can have a hairstyle like that LOL FOREVER PERASAN.

Ish why am i so lame lah today. I got nothing to blog about kldjksaldjakld always like this i wanna die lol joke okthanksbye! <3

Bonjour!

I hope the title's right, because im not good in French. #lolwhut

So uhm, as you can see (well, i mean no one because no one reads my blog pffsh) i changed my blogger look. I got tired of the old one, so why not make changes, right? Oh and it's not done yet. I mean, it's in a mess, and im stupid, i dont know how to make my blog private like omg thats lame. I'm lame. Lame is cute. I'm cute.

I dont know what else to blog about, since im not a good blogger and i have school in about 30 minutes and i just woke up, still in my pjs; I AM DEAD. My family is gonna be fat after they eat me. Good luck with that. Kbye <3

Starting off fresh. Again.

Hi. So uhm, well, im feeling a lil bit emo tonight. I dont know. But whatever forget it. I sound so lame when i say this kasjdskldjaskldjasl whatever whatever.

So today's the first day of Ramadhan in 2011. August 1, it is. Which happened to be, my 14th birthday. I'm not so sure whether im lucky to have my birthday today or the other way 'round. But for me, it sucks because it's not as same as it's supposed to be.

Today sucked. I swear it did. All i did was, cry. And cry. And overdose. And made myself feel high. Took tons of Prozac. 28 pills, 20mg each. So total i took 560mg in a day. Again. Did that once, got myself admitted into the emergency ward. But now i feel like dying. I know, i know, i sound so dramatic now. But you just dont get what im going through right now. I thought i already recovered from my depression and anorexia, but i guess i was wrong. I AM STILL HAVING THEM. Just that, i dont look that i do have them. Outside, i seem to be happy and all that but when im alone, no one sees me cry. 

I am feeling a lil' bit drowsy and i feel like vomiting. Hopefully i'd be dead by tomorrow but whatever. Ciao.

Exam, go away.

Aite, hello you guys. The title says it all. Exam is coming up soon, next week it is. And i dint prepare a thing so i should be, technically, freaking out. Which, i am not. Odd, eh? But whatever folks. This aint a big exam. It's like like, shish not a big exam so whatever.

Anyways, i changed my perception about school. School seems to be fun lately. Not sure why, but yeah. I got crazy-ass friends, and.. Um. Lol i think that's all hahaha.

OKAY IM OUT OF IDEA KTHANKSBYE <3

Starting off fresh!

Heyya you guys! Well, no one's reading though.. but this is my blog so whatever hahaha. So as you guyz can see, im hyper today. Well, this whole week. I iz like, better now? NO. I mean yes yes im feeling better now! In the pink of my health lol english hahaha laaaaame. Omg dklsjdklsjdklas what is this ugh see i hate this, i go like so crazy and what the fuck was i gonna type just now shit i forgot. Whatever lets start off fresh. Again and again but whatever ugh why am i saying whatever too much!?!

Did i tell you that i LOVE Skrillex? I loooooove them like so much omg they make me wanna dance. Dance = good exercise = lose weight = pretty LOLWHUT. Whatever. So uh, yes i love Skrillex. OK OMG OMG I REMEMBER WHAT I WAS GONNA TYPE JUST NOW SO YEAH OK LETS START HEHEHE IM SOOOO EXCITED KLDJFKLSDJFKLSDJFKLSD ok.

Ok i am so into fashion right now!! Vintage, it is. Yknow, the ones like Hana Tajima's or whatsoever omg i love it! So i bought tons of stuff online, and at F.O.S, Cotton On blablabla and places like that. And omg, love it ok! I love oversized, high waisted, peep toe wedges and dkjsdkljs like that ugh i cant type right now im so high SO OK BYE xxxx

You're different.

Yes i know people change. Sometime a lot. And i admit i changed too. My family, friends and everyone said im changing. I am not me. I am not supposed to be like this. I'm supposed to be happy, cheerful, talkative and all that but nowadays, i talk less and i get paranoid easily. Like now. I cry a lot, i admit that. Ugh i hate sounding emo and all that but i cant help myself hm :/

Daddy's not here. And now i feel super insecure. I fucking hate this feeling i swear to God. Why am i always feeling this way?! Ok whatever lets start off fresh.

Hm so, everything changed. I swear everything fucking changed! Its not like how its supposed to be. Ugh fuck this, i feel like crying now!! This is my blog so... whatever. Anyways, me and my best friends arent as close like we used to be. We used to be damn close, like, sisters, you know. But its not like that anymore. Probably because i changed. A lot. They're all saying that. Maybe i should just, disappear, yknow, somewhere far, where no one could ever find me? Yes, right now i swear i wish i wasnt born. Sometimes i wonder why do i even exist. The world would absolutely be a better place if im not in it, wouldnt it? My parents wouldnt have to care about anything anymore. Mommy wouldnt cry every night because of me anymore. Daddy wouldnt have to get in trouble because of me. They wouldnt feel ashamed to go out anymore, people staring at my cuts, my behavior, talking about how ive changed, behind my back. All this would not have happened, if im not here, right?! There's a secret, no one ever knows about this so im only telling you because i trust you. Me and my parents are close. I mean, yeah we are, i know theyre actually doing all these because they love me, but i dont feel loved. I feel left out. I feel like, no one loves me and no one appreciates my existence. We fight a lot, i yell a lot at my parents. I say bad words. I hurt my parents a lot. Until one day, my Mom and Dad wished they were dead. They regret having me. My mom told me she regret having me in her. Maybe this is all an indicator for me, to not to live? Ive always been admitted into the hospital, lying on the bed, hoping that my family would come, but they never did. Why are they sending me to the hospital?! What disease do i have?! They never tell me anything about it.. Maybe im really destined to suffer and die slowly, dont i? I bet im gonna die someday, before the others day. Because its not my fate to live long. I am a bad girl, arent i? I know i sound so lame and dramatic but whatever. This is what i purely think. I swear to god i wanna die right now. I wanna lay down beside my grandparents, my aunts and uncles whom i used to be effing close to. Please Allah, please turn back time, please erase my past. Or the worse, bring me back to you. Please. I love my mom, my dad, my brothers, my sister, my cousins, family, relatives, friends, teachers and all. Thats all i wanted to say. Thanks a lot. xx

New.

Click on the picture for GIF effect.

What i feel.

I have always been the good girl. The girl whose parents that she would grow up and actually become something. But im not like that anymore. I never thought i would drink or snort those pills but i guess i was wrong. Now that i have done it, i dont wanna stop. Its like cutting, once you drag that blade across your skin, you cant stop. You dont wanna stop. I know you wanted a perfect teenage girl but in reality there isnt one.

I certainly didnt tell anyone. I didnt advertise that I was doing this, but I didnt necessarily also make sure no one could see that I was injured. In fact, I felt proud, felt good about it. It was like, uhm, a battle scar. It proved that I had been grievously wounded and survived. When I hid my scars, I did so because I didnt want anyone to think I was a basket or mental case and to look down on me or to pity me or to stop hanging out with me, leave me because they couldn't handle me.

Sometimes i feel like no one cares. Sometimes i feel like no one is there. Sometimes i want to kill myself. Sometimes i think i need some help. Sometimes i feel like im alone. Sometimes im in an empty zone. Sometimes i feel like im not alive. Sometimes i wonder if im deprived. Sometimes i think the world should end. Sometimes i think i have no friends. Sometimes i want to make them see that sometimes i wish I wasn't me.

Ending this post here. Bye. x

Monte Carlo.

Bonjour.

So i went to Sunway Pyramid with my dolls; Erynn, Vynn, Huda and Huraiyah. We watched Monte Carlo, Selena Gomez's new movie. It was epic. It was romantic, hilarious, everything. We uh, we did tons of stuff. Okay lets start.

Arrived at Sunway around 12.30 something. We went to buy the tickets, thank God the queue wasnt that long. Shockingly, there were like, 5 counters just to buy Transformers 3 tickets. And by 12, the tickets for daytime were sold out. Wicked much. So we bought the ticket for Monte Carlo, the total was RM70 for five person.

Then we went to take our lunch, the others had Auntie Anne's, while i bought Juice Works. I gotta tell you this, its the best! Then uhm, while waiting for the movie to start, which was like, 2 hours away, we went shopping and all that.

Bought laughing gas, we tried it. LOL IT WAS EPIC. Hahaha i dont wanna talk about it, too embarrassing. Then we went in for the movie. Watched it, was awesome. And i love Selena! Bla bla bla. Then we went shopping and laughing gas again and ugh eat and done.

Too lazy to type. I dont know why :/
Revoir, aime. Voir la prochaine fois. x

New hair.

Click on the picture to enlarge and for a GIF effect.

Just tellin'. So yeah. xoxo

Here we go again.

Hello, love. Today i feel so paranoid. I hate this feeling. I swear i do. Just that, im very hot-tempered. And i just cant help myself but to yell at people. Anyone; friends, siblings, and yes, parents. I know i may sound rude now, but you dont know how it feels to be me. I know my family loves me, theyre doing all these because they care about me, they want the best for me. And i appreciate that. I just.. i just dont get it. Why do i always feel as if im over-protected? My friends said its normal for teens my age. But i dont think so. I feel like im living in a tiny box. Im trapped, cant get out. As if im a puppet, controlled and be told what to do.

But when im happy, i really am. That feeling which you dont want it to end. But you know that it will. Why do all good things come to an end, i thought. Never knew whats the answer. But at times, well, most of the time actually, i feel insecure. I dont know why, and not sure why. Its like, im surrounded by a lot of people, trying to let me down.

I just wish I could roll back the clocks to when things were the same. Back then i was just a hyper kid looking for a fun playtime. But now, thing aren't the same. I have gone to a different way. I change, people change, things just change, and i am not that hyper kid looking for a fun time anymore. I am a teenager looking for a person to love and a person to hug when im in need.

And i totally mean what i say. I'm so sorry, Ma. Sorry for yelling at you. I hope youre reading this. Love you.

True confession.

Have you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isnt anyone who won't take 'I dont know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

What happened to me actually wasn't a suicide attempt, it was an escape from everything awful. When i cut, im in control. I make my own pain and i can stop it whenever i want. Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in the my mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it is weaker. Drugs do that too, and sex, but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting.

And oh, i went to Damansara Specialist yesterday. And i still remember my psychiatrist telling me this: Close your eyes, and imagine 10 years from now. Youre with your husband and maybe 2 kids or so and your very happy family, and very self-full-filled and your life is perfect just the way you had always dreamed and hoped. But then your little 5 year old child asks you, 'Mummy, why do you have all those white scars on your arm?' and then what will you say? 'I used to take a razor and pull it down real slow and carefully and watch the blood drop out of my skin so that I could see that I am still alive, or so I could feel real physical pain instead of emotional pain.'? That? No, you can't say that to your child. And even if you do, your child will learn from you and do the same to themselves whenever they are feeling down. You don't really want that now do you?

This this this ok this!

Omg this song totally relates to me like 100% i swear to god ugh i love you Evanescence why are you soooo.. realistic?! And i cry a lot, listening to her songs. Ok whatever i dont wanna start to be emo or else everything will seem to annoy me and i will start to get mad and all that shitz ugh bye.

Fattest pig ever.

Hi, love. Today is um, Thursday, and i fasted. Well, not for long though. I thought i was strong enough to fast till the end, but too bad i was feeling sick and i felt like passing out so i had to break my fast. Around 4pm something. And i totally regret it, because i felt like a fat pig afterwards. And you guys all know that i hate that bloated feeling.

I drank strawberry drink which i bought from the canteen. And thats it. Then i went back home, and i ate tons of stuff. Yes, another binge, as usual. I swear, i cant help myself from stop eating eventhough im already full. I dont know whats into me ugh. Please, someone, i need help :-(

So i learned.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift. When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy. Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

I'm home.

Hello. So um, i just got back from school and now im in my bedroom, blogging #likeaboss. Muehehehe. Ok whatever. Anyways, school just now was, umm, okay. Not great, but it was okay. I was called by the counselor, given advice and all that. To be honest, it was actually kinda fun and satisfying. Because finally i can let my heart out, i mean like, tell my problems, i didnt fake even one problem. I told everything to the counselor. And her advice, totally worked. Now im having second thoughts when i wanna go online or even when i wanna go out. Now that is, bizarre lol. 

So back to the story. I came late, as usual. Then i went for drama class, was fun. Then uh, the counseling thiny started, from 2.30 till 4.00 hahaha. And then blah blah, PE and all that shiz. Then got back home, ate a bit, and i feel like a fat pig now ugh i hate this? I so need to workout now. Ok ciao you guys! xx

What an achievement!

Hi. So um, i updated my blog. Well technically, all of it lol. I'm not using any templates. I just customized this blog by myself, so like yea. It's not complete yet, but i need a break lah omg. Lol i love my asian accent hehehe. Ok whatever.

School's starting in like, 30 minutes more and i am still in my pjs. I got swag. Lol what is this lah. Well i have not much idea to blog  now. Nothing interesting. I just wanna tell that i updated my blog thats it lulz. But still, im not really satisfied though. Nah, whatever. I'll customize it later. Gotta get ready for school and go. And that sucks omg :-(

Reality check.

So hello, loves. I'm feeling calm now. Well, not really but, now, kinda yes.

1) I love Owl City. Yes, Adam with his ever-famous song, Fireflies. I love each one of his songs. They calm me, as if I'm in a different world. They give me peace, when I'm messed up. And the lyrics, totally meaningful and can be related to me sometimes. Oh god i cant explain here how much i love Owl City. I swear, i love them so much. I dont know myself. I change a lot. I mean, i love way different bands than Owl City, like My Chemical Romance, Panic At The Disco, Muse, LMFAO, All Time Low, and all that.

2) I'm gaining weight like a fat pig. And i totally hate this fat feeling. I used to be stick thin, anorexic, to be exact. I am recovering, i swore i wont gain even an ounce but now i gained like, 10kgs. I swear im feeling so fat. I miss being brittle, being fragile, and being concerned by everyone. I love the "empty stomach" feeling i used to have. I miss passing out. I miss saying No to foods. I miss that tired feeling i get everytime i never eat. I miss being thin. I miss being anorexic. Yes, i love being a skeleton. I may sound like a weirdo, but there's a reason why. BECAUSE I AM SICK OF BEING FAT.

3) I feel over-protected. But insecure. And i get paranoid easily. I hate this. I totally, effing hate this. I want freedom, i want to do whatever i want, but still be loved. I always feel left-out by everyone; My family, my friends, everyone! And i'd always think that everyone is mad and hate me. When in reality, they are not. Well, at least they act like they're not. Hm.

4) I got tons to say. But i just cant think of any. What is my problem?

Ending today's post here. Thanks for reading, anyone. Okbye. <3

That should be me

That should be me,
Holdin' your hand,
That should be me
Makin' you laugh,
That should be me,
This is so sad,
That should be me,
That should be me,
That should be me,
Feelin' your kiss,
That should be me,
Buyin' you gifts,
This is so wrong,
I can't go on,
Till you believe that,
That should be me

That should be me,
You said you needed a little time
For my mistakes,
It's funny how you used that time 
To have me replaced,
Did you think that I wouldn't see you out at the movies
Whatcha doin' to me,
You're takin' him where we used to go,
Now if you're tryin' to break my heart,
It's working 'cause you know that,

Why couldn't it be me?

We have all had are hearts broken at least once in our lives. There has been that one person that we have loved with all our heart and has not returned that love. When you wake up to that reality you feel like your world has shattered. You feel like you will never love that way again. He is all you think of and becomes your world.

You ask yourself why is this happening to me? Am I not good enough? What's wrong with me? Then, as time goes by, you get the answers to your questions. You begin to realize that it all happened for a reason. You realize the he is not the one for you. 

The more you analyze the person you begin to see the differences. You realize that you don't know that person like you thought you did and they don't know you. Then comes the understanding that you deserve someone who will love, cherish, appreciate you and never take you for granted. 

Once you reach this point, the pain of never having him starts to minimize. It becomes a learning experience. You learn more about yourself. You learn to recognize the qualities you do want in a person. You learn that you will love again and even stronger. 

When two people love each other mutually and give to each other freely that love grows and matures. If it were not for the experience of our broken heart and those lessons we learned along the way we would not be the loving, understanding people we become.

All past hurts teach us and mold us in becoming better people, which give us the tools to create successful relationships. If you are experiencing a broken heart just remember even though you have been hurt and disappointed love will come again just HOPE!

My life.

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, coworker, long-lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger) but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

Make every day count! Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before,and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

It ends tonight.

Bye. x

Bye.

You went off when i told you not too, you said it was the best thing. Yeah for you.
Once he spoke he last words, "Goodbye", he made my tear worth nothing like i was nothing.
Why is it that the bestest memories usually become nightmares?
Why you only left without even saying sorry?
I cry and cry and know i realize you left me with tear inside my soul.
Thank you so much.

To be honest,

Yes. Yes, i still do have feelings for you. Yes, i still do love you.
But past is past.
</3 

Comeback

Hi. Okay, so the last time i made an entry was uhm, a month ago? Lol yeah, was on May. Sorry. I seriously, I dont have the urge to blog about stuff lately. I dont know why. I mean yes, i do. But like, you know, all those kind of stuff.. You see, i went through a lot lately. I have a sad life. Sometimes i feel like killing myself, but i dont know why i never did. Well, uhm, i did try thrice. But neither worked. Guess God really doesnt want me to die? Hm.

So recently, i broke up with my boyfriend. My ex, to be exact. I mean, yes, i do love him. But just that, it's like, we're not meant to be together, you know. We fight a lot, i cry a lot because of him, my parents dont really like him much (and i want their blessing, i'd be happier then), everyone tells me that he's a player, which i think he is? Lol. I have no idea why am i so stupid to even trust him at the first place anyways. He's really good with words. He sweettalked to me, and seduce me all that, and i melted. Damn. This is my biggest problem, i melt over a guy too easily. No, i dont want this. I wanna be that kind of girl who doesnt fall for a guy that easy. Uhm, what do you guys call it, Expensive? Yea, something like that or whatever.

He did ask for a relationship again after we broke up, but i said no. I insisted on being just friends. Bestfriends, to be exact. Because well, i dont know? I feel like my love towards him is decreasing. Because he flirts a lot, he breaks my heart a lot, and all that. We fought a lot, of yes we did. And it sucked ass. Now, we barely contact each other eventhough we both agreed to be "bestfriends". Lol yeah right. He's a freakin' hypocrite and ego much. Yeah, i do understand guys are like that, but i feel like, im not ready yet for relationships and the commitments i have to take. Sad life.

Oh whatever. I dont wanna talk about this crap. I went through a lot, and im sorry i didnt update my blog for a long time. Thats all. My mood is down rn, so mind me. Bye.

Im back.. Again.

So i've been away for so very very long. Why, because im too depressed to blog. Well, i got so many ideas in my head but at the moment im on my computer, i'll forget what was in my mind then i wouldnt be in the mood to blog. Shit happens all the time.. F this okay.

Anyways, i made up a new facebook account. Im not gonna use the old one. Too messed up and i got no privacy at all. Obviously no one in my family knows the meaning of privacy and space to be alone. I hate my life and i hope everyone knows that. I may look happy and crazy and hyper and all that outside but inside, no, im telling you, i never felt happy with my life. Im so depressed and i feel like giving up on life. 

Okay whatever. I dont wanna be too emo now. Ciao. Will make a new post later. Bye. x

Still learning..

Hi, loves. So as you can see from the title, im still learning.. to play a piano haha. I know, i know, sounds so lame and bla bla but well, there is always a start for something right? And mine starts now. Well, to be honest, i dont know what attracted me so much until i wanna play a piano so damn bad and professionally. Oh maybe its because of all Christina Perri or Evanescence's melodramatic songs! Hihi oh i love them <33

Anyways, im planning on recording videos of me and my girlfriends, singing and playing instruments. But that is only after we're good in it. Maybe we'll start uploading this Summer. Hopefully.

Oh okay, gotta go now. Gotta continue my piano lesson aha. Byeeee! x

Puppy love

Hi, loves. So, im back with a new post. It's 1:45am now. I made two posts before this, but i deleted them back, because when i re-read them, it dint seem to be interesting. Hihi. Anyways, here im gonna post about Love. Sounds silly, i know aha but well, everyone, i repeat; everyone experiences love. At least once in their lifetime. If im wrong, well then, prove it. Uh-huh. K, so mm, i did a research, and i obtained the conclusion. Soo, here's what every happy couple should do in order to stay happily ever after. Because most of the teenage couples out there dont really stay in a long-term relationship. They tend to breakup after a short period of time, which is about, 3 - 12 months. Longest would probably be 3 years. But sometimes, in the period of their relationship, they would fight, which is a normal thing caused by misunderstandings, jealousy, etc and they would breakup for a while, like a day or two then get back together. This is what we call Puppy Love. You see, a guy gotta make the first move. Why? Because a girl, she has this thing, its called scared of being called annoying or whatever. A girl would wait for a guy's text/call eagerly, and maybe, at the same time, the guy would do the same thing. That is just not right. Someone has gotta make the first move. When a guy texts a girl, that girl would be so panicked on how to reply the text in the best way. She'd try to attract the guy's attention to reply the text. Now that is, human's nature. And we all know that. Lesson, try and embrace yourself to make the first move. Who knows, maybe the person who's been with you since all your life, is The One for you? It's all written, now its only us who has to wait.

School

Actually i dont wanna go to school, so boring can die. But well what to do right, mymom and dad are forcing me to go. Eh wait.. I have to go! I want monayh! Uh huh, kaching kaching! Haha :D

Kbye people, imma post more entries after school i guess <33

Oh all those memories

I love vintage. I repeat, I LOVE VINTAGE. They remind me of all the good ol' times i had, lol i know sounds funny when i say that since i've just been living for like, thirteen years and a half haha but well, memories back 10 years ago and such. Which, brings me to my childhood. Oh i miss my childhood! Totally peaceful and filled with fun and joy. My daily routine would always be wakeup in the morning, brush my teeth, and with my bushy curly hair, i'd go downstairs and turn on the kiddo's nursery rhymes. Aw, i miss all those moments! And oh, that kindergarten-hood, aw, i still remember my dad would send me, then i'd be coming home at 12pm, then i would eat (i was fat okay) haha :'}

Sadly, we can't turn back time no matter what we do. If only scientists can invent a time machine, damn i would do anything to own it. But what to do, we can only keep all those memories in ourselves, and never let go <33

Now this is awesome

K, this guy is damn talented! He's freakin' awesome! I would love to sing acapella myself, but i know i cant because im not good in multitasking. If i do, everything will turn out to be a mess. Haha, me. Duh. But well, practice makes perfect aite, so i might be trying this soon, i guess? Lol, very funny for a girl like me to sing acapella but who cares if you disagree? You are not me. Hihi, no offense lovely. 

So anyways, i love music, as you can see lmao. And im still learning, and improving. Maybe i'll upload a few videos of me and my girlfriends singing. We might be trying acapella like this awesome dude up here. Woohoo, you go Mike Tompkins (Y) Bye.

Updated

Hi lovelies. So um, i updated my blog. Changed the template, link, contents, everything. And most importantly, i changed myself from a bad girl to a good girl. I also dont know why, im kinda emotional nowadays lol. Maybe its because of him. Memories are painful, hm. So anyways, what do you think of this new template? I spent a lot of time on this, changing all the HTMLs and stuff. Hihi. Not bragging, but just telling k.

I may not have much followers like you guys do, but well, i just write my heart out as i told earlier in the previous post if i wasnt mistaken but oh whatever. I like changing templates and all those kind of stuff. Makes me real happy and it passes my time.

Oh wait, gtg now. I'll make another post later. Kinda busy now lolz kbye <33

Haha, so stupid

I'm back people! I am baack! Weeweeee! Lol no one's reading anyways duh like pffsscch, im so pathetic but oh whatever, im writing my heart out so stfu. So i've been busy nowadays. Why? Aha, school, yeah you got that right and also day-outs, lazy-ness, but i wasnt busy because of homework because i never ever do my homework at home, zzz.

K, whatever. So anyways, recently i went to Bieber's concert at Stadium Merdeka on April 21. I swear it was one hell of a fucking awesome night! Now im begging all the geniuses in my school to invent a time machine so that i could turn back time to where all the fun happened and i would go to the past again and again. Well, i wish all that could happen but i know it wouldnt. At least not in a million years. But hey, never say never baby! <33

I'll make a post about the concert later. Lol yeah right, i always say that i'll make a post about something later but eventually, i never did. Hihi too lazy to type crap. Well here's the problem with me, when im not on Blogger, i have like, thousands of awesome ideas and i'd be so excited to go back home and type it all out. But when im on Blogger, i'd only type halfway and forget everything then end up deleting the post because 1) I'm too lazy to type and 2) I forgot everything that i actually wanted to type. HAHA, i know.

Anyways.. Uh see, i forgot what to type 'cuz after the previous paragraph (above), i paused for a while and went to update my Twitter haha wuwuwu me -.- K, so i guess thats it for this one. Bye peeps, loveya and meet me in Club 99 lmao <3

Gotta tell you this

I'm not in the mood for blogging and whatevershit. My life's messed up now, pretty much fucked up. I need some time to disappear and just go die. Someone please take a bullet and shoot me. NOW!

Krumpin' it haaard!

So uhm, im currently learning Krumping dance. It's uh, a part of hiphop/breakdance/streetdance. Lol haha. But i love Whaacking also. So vintage-y. Heh. So anyways, im doing my own routine for krumping, just for fun. And in using this mix:

Dope aite, i know :3 Im so hoping i could master this, and oh, i know its a totally different world with ballet but duh, nothing is impossible k. So uh, yea, kbai.

Keep your swag rockin'

Yo peeps, note that imma change starting this week. Gonna focus more on studies and stuff liddat. Sounds so lame, i know but its for my own good aite? For my future yadayadayada -.- 'Cuz nowadays, my studies are getting bad. I mean, i never focus in class, never pass up my homework, always skip school, uh i have no idea what had gotten into me? I mean, i used to be 'okay' last year, but this year im a totally different person man! Maybe gonna deactivate my Facebook account for a while, just a maybe kaay.

Dayyum im acting so lame now, kbye. <3

Passion

I'm in love with dancing. It's like, dancing is my thing! Loljk haha no. Yes, i do love dancing, but im not that good in it. Still working k. Practice makes perfect! My favourite dance genres:

• Breakdance
• Streetdance
• Hiphop 
• Krumpin'
• Poppin' & Lockin'
• Waackin'
• Ballet

Well, yeah i do take Ballet classes, and i know that it is totally the opposite of breakdance, hiphop, street dance, etc but hey, nothing is impossible aite? I mean, ballet needs flexibility, so do all the other dances. Okay, to be frank, Step Up totally influenced me into all these breaking stuff. I mean like, omg theyre so cool man! And i suddenly love skateboarding more than ever now. I have no idea why? Uuu and eventhough tecktonik is now kinda lame in Malaysia (but its not lame in Australia, etc), i love it! Like, seriously so effin' cool!

Anyways, i've watched a lot of tutorial and stuff about all these dances, and i think im ready to be a real dancer! But like, yeah right. Haha. Oh and i got someone to teach me all these, weee i cant wait to be cool~ Haha loljk. But no worries, the wild part of me is still here! :p

So that's why!

K, so i haven't been blogging since the last 2 days. Why? Oh thats because i had no mood. Seriously, i dont know why. But i was kinda active on Tumblr and Twitter. Maybe i didnt have the mood to write my feelings. Lol, okay emotional here. Uh.

So anyways, im back bitches! I know no one's reading, but duhhh who fckin cares?! I write by myself, i read by myself. Geddit? Kay, good. Stop thinking that im lame or whateevershit you gays think. Uh i haters, back off man! Aiyoh why la -.-

IM BACK AND IM READY TO ROCK AND ROLL

Finally finished

So just now i went for jogathon, its for charity. I entered the Female Below 18yrs category, and i had to run for 6kms. Not braggin', but it wasnt that far. Teheehee. Anyways, there were around 45 people from my school who also ran for it. The guys ran for 8kms.

But i gotta tell you that the jogathon was a bit tiring, and i only got like, 4 hours of sleep last night. Uh im so damn sleepy now, but i dont wanna sleep. Cuz if i do, then i wouldnt be able to sleep at night. Lol hehe. Kbye.

That little bitch

Okay so there's this bitch girl in my school, who i completely effin' hate! Uh she is so annoying okay. Fine, she's like, the 2nd big prefect of the school (well, in the evening session duh) and she thinks she has so much power to rule everything! Damn bitch, im a prefect also k. I could do whatevershit i want and idgaf. I might as well create a private club of Anti-YOU and im sure alot of people would join 'cuz i know alot of people who hate you too. I know youre a nice prefect whatsoever and youre totally into discipline and all those shitty stuff but bitch, please, like you dont break the rules. I know you brought camera to school aite, that one day, and you captured with your dorks and all. Well, i dont know if the camera is yours or anyone else's, but you know that cameras are not allowed in school aite! And you let it be. If its your friends who break the rules, you act as if you know nothing. But if its not your friend, youre a bitch man. Seriously, you are. Did you know that alot of students complained and gossiped to me about you? About your shitty attitude? Uh gth. And you like to pick on other people's past mistakes aite, and you like it when the discipline teacher scolds that person aite? What if someone does it to you? How would you feel!? I know i did alot of mistakes, and im not saying that im proud to do it blah blah blah. Just saying that i'd love it if youre the one who'd get scolded. So, you have many scandals and isnt that wrong? Huh? Oh gosh i better stop wasting my time talking about you. Better tell you in real life aite? I hope you read this, and i hope that im talking about you. Seriously, get a life beeotch!

Practice makes perfect

Teacher's day is gonna fall this June, i guess. And my school is going to make a celebration for that. Like, to appreciate teachers and stuff liddat blah blah blah~ Anyways, my teacher asked if anyone wants to perform on that day. Me and my girlfriend, Shamarisa, we're planning on performing. She plays the violin, and me, well, not so sure yet. Haha sounds so weird, i know. But duh, who cares? Nothing is impossible okay. I could maybe play the piano or keyboard? Or maybe i'd sing. Hihi.

So far, we're stuck to Jar Of Hearts which is superb. Easy to play, and easy to sing. So like yea, working on that. And hopefully, we'd do great! Yay (y) Haha kbye. xx

Me love!

People, dont you think parties are so cool? I mean like, you can actually release all your stress and tension yknow. Trust me, you will. I tried before, oh yes it totally worked for me. You can do whatever you want to when youre dancing. No one will ever laugh at you because everyone's having fun also. So like, yea. Fyi, i do not drink alcohol. Coke, Pepsi, etc, oh yes i do. Hihi. Anyways, if you dont like partying, try going for karaoke session with your peeps. Or alone, can also. But personally, i think going with my girlfriends is much more fun, 'cuz you can rock with them. And then in the karaoke room, hit it hard baby! And by hittin' it hard, i mean put the volume on high, and go cranky! Just go with the flow~ Haha. Seriously, when i feel depressed or whatevershit, i'd hit Redbox at Sunway. And the price is not that expensive actually. You can get two free drinks also yknow, which i think is worth it.

So anyways, i love Kesha. I mean, her style, her songs, her attitude and all, so damn kewl yknow. But im not intending to be like Lindsay Lohan or Amy Winehouse, drug-addict and go into rehab. Heck no okay! I just love the way Kesha rocks. She's like, very free and i absolutely adore the way the dresses up! And her nose piercing, oh yes puhleez! Conclusion, idgad about anything no more and i got the swag people~ Party on! xx

Moving on

Boy, i know youre tired of my annoyingness. Fine, i admit that i could be annoying sometimes. I could see that youre annoyed and bored with me by the way you talk to me. Uh fyi, i hate annoying people also k. Do you have any idea why i became annoying? Thats because i think if i dont add any smileys, and if i dont reply your texts (and others) fast enough, you'd be thinking that i dont like you when obviously, i LOVE you. yknow you mean the world to me okay. i missed all the things you used to say to me. but now, everything's completely different. you barely even talk to me. i dont wanna start a conversation 'cuz i know you dont want to talk to me, so like yeah. okay, i know past is past. but baby, you know i still love you aite? i gave you all the signs, and i know you know that i love you,  just that you act like you dont know a thing. k, its fine. i know you love someone else who i know is prettier than me. i know im not perfect. but you know what, i dont give a damn anymore. i love you, oh yes i do but im moving on. i dont care about what youre gonna say, what youre gonna do or whatevershit youre gonna give, LIFE HAS TO GO ON.

Damn im being so emo now, uh LMFAO, distract me! xx

What I thinkkk

Okay. So Tumblr is the new hottest thing right now. Ditch MySpace, euw so lame -.- Heckyeah it used to be the hottest but well, too bad Mark Zuckerberg improved everything. Haha Tom from MySpace, he's so gay loljk. Now Facebook AND Tumblr are the new trend baby! If you ain't got one, you so lame!

No offense, but that's what I think. Basically. Hihi. If you are still on MySpace and you're still updating it blah-blah-de-blah, you are lameeee-o! Seriously, you gotta have a Facebook account, and Tumblr. But Tumblr is optional 'cuz it's more to blogging and stuff. Well actually, REBLOGGING. Haha. Create an account, you'll know why.

So anyways, I'm updating my Twitter and Tumblr now. Feel free to follow me! Links on the sidebar. Kaaay, gotta go and search for some more cool topics to post about. Bye loves <3

Everday I see my dream

I have a heart, I swear I do. But just not baby when it comes to you. I get so hungry when you say you love me. Hush if you know what's good for you.

I think you're hot. I think you're cool. You're the kind of guy I'd stalk in school. But now that I'm famous, you're up my anus, now I'm gonna eat you fool!

I eat boys up, breakfast and lunch. Then when I'm thirsty, I drink their blood. Carnivore, animal, I am a Cannibal. I eat boys up. You better run. <3

#LMFAO FTW

Dayyum I cant stop listening to LMFAO (y)

Everyone, let's shake and drop!

Tattoooo

 

So. Damn. Cool! :O

Drink all day, play all night

So school's starting in 45 minutes and im still not sure whether im going or not. I mean, yeah i have to but im soooo lazed up to get my ass off the chair haha. Oh gosh im so going to gain fat! NOOOOOO! ;O

Anyways, now there's 30 minutes left and i still havent took my bath yet. Hihi. Guess im not going after all? Cross my finger, hope i can not go :p

Signing off

Gotta go. Bye xx

READ THIS

My name is Azimah Liyana, but call me anything you want to. I'm turning 14 this year, living in Malaysia and enjoying it. I made this blog just to let go of my trapped feelings in my heart. About what I feel, about what I love or hate, about anything that goes through my mind at the moment. And if I find anything nice, I will share it here. Now I know I don't have followers, idgaf. I write to myself, I read to myself. That's my life so please, step out of it and rule yours. I'm the queen of my life, you're the queen of yours. Anyways, I like dance parties. I know, I'm like, so young and influenced but hey, I don't do drugs or drink and all those shitty sutff k. I am just enjoying my life, letting go of all my stresses and pressure, and I might be using bad/nasty words so mind my speaking. Sorry for offending anyone and have a nice day. Kbye.

Damn bored

K, its 1.10am now and im not sleepy. Zomg why would i even sleep early and wake up early? Got nothing to do. Oh dammit, im going for a jog with my girlfriend tomorrow morning. I guess i gotta sleep now eh? asdfghjkl

Anyways, i updated my blog. Changed the colours, added a background image, etc. But still, i think my blog is fugly! Im not satisfied and i dont feel happy. Uh, working on it. Going to search for more htmls. &hearts;

Weekends

Oh and anywaaays, i am currently taking um, ballet class. Sounds so weird for a girl like me but well, teehihi. Looks easy but it is not! I'm telling you, its not easy. Ballerinas have to flexible and gentle. But nah, everything has a starting point aite. Everyone could ballet. Anyways, it's fun, though.

I'm not a pro, yet. But im aiming to be one. Hihi. My ballet teacher is so damn nice yknow. She's pretty and all. Thank God i didnt get a male teacher. Heh. Anyways, i absolutely love the costumes for ballet! Damn pretty weh! Oh i cant wait for the concert (Y)

And im currently working on my pointe and plie. Kthnxbai.

Lameeee!

Haha im so lame yknow. I got only like what, 1 follower? Which is my bestie, Aida Azlan. She's cool, do check her out k. So anyways, im lameeee! I dont know how to really play even ONE musical instrument which obviously is so lame 'cuz cool people nowadays, they play. Oh yes they do baby. And i dont, fml.

Now boom, shake and drop!

Dayyum i love this song! Totally makes me wanna shake my booty :p Hihi oh well, nothing's wrong with shaking aite. It's an exercise PLUS it burns calories. Weee~

Favourites

So i have a lot of favourites. Scratch that, a lot! Heh. Uhm, well in this post im gonna crap about my taste in music. Heh. Uhm, well actually, i dont really have a permanent favourite genre of music. Hihi so stupid i know but it always changes. I mean, its not permanent yknow. Depends on what im feeling that time, depends on my mood la.

So far, my favourite bands areeeee:
- Slipknot
- Tokio Hotel
- My Chemical Romance
- Muse
- Panic! At The Disco
- Evanescence

See, the genres are waaay different! Slipknot is metal. Tokio Hotel is alternative rock. MCR, Muse and Evanescence are rock. PATD is rock duo. Well, i like screamo also. When im stressed out, i would listen to hardcore and stuff. I may look like a girly girl, but hey, everyone has two sides aite. And when im so emo, i would listen to dark songs like Amy Lee's, Evanescence's, Kerli's or other slow/dark songs.

Oh and i love electro also. So damn different from metal, but yeah, it is what it is. Lol. I love dance songs like Cascada, Tiesto, DJ Blend, etc. Then i would go so high and cranky. Trust me, i look like a dumb when im dancing alone haha. I listen to intrumental too okay. Like Beethoven and stuff. That way i'd feel peaceful. Seriously, try listening to Beethoven if you're stressed out. Totally works! Trust me.

So yeah, thats it for now. Gonna go to Youtube and checkout more music.

Today's report.

K, today I went to school. Well duh, 'cuz I have to. Yknow that I hate school so mucho aite. Like, euw so loves school? Uhm, fine, people love going to school to meet friends? That's acceptable. But love going to school to uh, get scolded? LMAO

So anyways, today was a disaster! Well actually, everyday is a disaster lol. Why you ask? A lot of reasons! Homeworks not done, scolded, left something at home, etc. Now you know what I meaan? Yeah okay cool. So hm, today was asdfghjkl.

Kbye.

I eat boys up, breakfast and lunch. Then when I'm thirsty, I drink their blood.

Damn cool~

Okay, so everyone knows that I absolutely love piercings. If you didn't know that I love piercings, well, now you do! Hihi. Anyways, for me, I think piercings are so damn cool. My wishlist: (well, atleast for this year)

- Get my tongue pierced

- Get my bellybutton pierced

- Get my 3rd helix piercing

- Get my nose piercing

- Get my snakebites/monroe/spiderbites piercing

All that (above) in this year, if can. But if not, next 5 years would do it. Haha. The only reason why they're still in my wishlist is because of school. Lame-o school. Zzz. Ugh I so wish I could do/wear anything to school. But I know that wouldn't happen. Not in a million years. Dayyum! -.-

Okay, so far I only got 6 piercings. On my ears. So lame, I know. Heh. 2 helix piercings on my right ear, 2 lobe piercings on my right ear also, andddd 2 lobe piercings on my left ear. Aaaahh when am I gonna get those piercings in my wishlist?!

Tongue piercing (But i like it better in silver)

Helix piercing (I got 2 on my right ear, zz)

Bellybutton/Navel piercing

Lip piercings. Honestly, i love everything here. But i don't know which one im going for. Probably 1, 3 or 4. 1: Monroe 3: Spiderbites 4: Snakebites

Nose piercing (This is the hoop/ring one. Available in studs also)

Uhm, i got something like this on my right and left ear. Not bragging but just sayinnn' heehee

So those are the piercings I reaaally want! But on the second thought, I think eyebrow piercings are cool also. Hehe. But hey, I don't wanna flood my face. Like, euw that is so gross yknow when those old peeps pierce their whole body with tattoos and stuff. I don't like that. Not being mean or whatever k, just saying. Anyways, I love piercings and I think they're so cool! :D

Oh I know I am soooo over it as a 14-year-old chick. But duh, IDGAF. Kthnxbai <33

Haiyo me -.-

Okay actually, I had like, uhm, 3 blogs before this. And I deleted them. 'Cuz I felt as if they were useless. Oh nope, make it 4. Unless you don't count the ones kiddos make. LMAO haha. I might delete this blog soon also yknow. Heh. Who knows?

Well, I do have Tumblr, Facebook and Twitter. Used to have MySpace also but ee so lame, so I ignored it. Oh whatever. Kbye.

And it's all about me

So, hey there Earthlings! I'm Azimah Liyana, but please, do call me anything you want to. Turning 14 this August 1. I'm living in Malaysia, and proud to be a Malaysian but well, I might be studying overseas. Who knows aite? Oh well, dream on -.-

So anyways, I intend to be a dietitian AND an athlete when I'm old enough. Heh, I know, sounds funny but hey, everyone has to have dreams aite? I started to focus on my health and fitness since I was 11. Damn weird but well, it's the truth. I don't know what influenced me - maybe the skinny, long legs, runway models. But seriously, I'm fat hahaha. Who cares? It's my life and I'm the queen. GTFO haters

Apart from working out, I love to bake/cook. Desserts, mostly. Anything that has to do with sugar. Dayyum! I put sugar in everything! Scratch that, every single thing. Well, what did you expect? I have a sweet tooth. Hihi. Oh and cooking, I like pasta and stuff like that. Italian, French, and whatever the Western people eat haha. And uhm, what else? K, I love to see the happy faces when people eat the food I make. Well, not really sure they're faking it or what, so whatever. I just love to see them eaaaat! Teeheee.

Uuu I looooove shopping! Or hanging out with friends. Whatever. I love getting out of the house and go somewhere. But not just typical 'somewhere' like school or whatevershit. I mean like, malls or something. Daiymnn I love the smell of new things. I even love sniffing the money! Hihi very weird I know.

K, you guys, it's getting long now. Well duuuh, I'm writing all these shits to myself only.
LMFAO bye <33