Fattest pig ever.

Hi, love. Today is um, Thursday, and i fasted. Well, not for long though. I thought i was strong enough to fast till the end, but too bad i was feeling sick and i felt like passing out so i had to break my fast. Around 4pm something. And i totally regret it, because i felt like a fat pig afterwards. And you guys all know that i hate that bloated feeling.

I drank strawberry drink which i bought from the canteen. And thats it. Then i went back home, and i ate tons of stuff. Yes, another binge, as usual. I swear, i cant help myself from stop eating eventhough im already full. I dont know whats into me ugh. Please, someone, i need help :-(

So i learned.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift. When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy. Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

I'm home.

Hello. So um, i just got back from school and now im in my bedroom, blogging #likeaboss. Muehehehe. Ok whatever. Anyways, school just now was, umm, okay. Not great, but it was okay. I was called by the counselor, given advice and all that. To be honest, it was actually kinda fun and satisfying. Because finally i can let my heart out, i mean like, tell my problems, i didnt fake even one problem. I told everything to the counselor. And her advice, totally worked. Now im having second thoughts when i wanna go online or even when i wanna go out. Now that is, bizarre lol. 

So back to the story. I came late, as usual. Then i went for drama class, was fun. Then uh, the counseling thiny started, from 2.30 till 4.00 hahaha. And then blah blah, PE and all that shiz. Then got back home, ate a bit, and i feel like a fat pig now ugh i hate this? I so need to workout now. Ok ciao you guys! xx

What an achievement!

Hi. So um, i updated my blog. Well technically, all of it lol. I'm not using any templates. I just customized this blog by myself, so like yea. It's not complete yet, but i need a break lah omg. Lol i love my asian accent hehehe. Ok whatever.

School's starting in like, 30 minutes more and i am still in my pjs. I got swag. Lol what is this lah. Well i have not much idea to blog  now. Nothing interesting. I just wanna tell that i updated my blog thats it lulz. But still, im not really satisfied though. Nah, whatever. I'll customize it later. Gotta get ready for school and go. And that sucks omg :-(

Reality check.

So hello, loves. I'm feeling calm now. Well, not really but, now, kinda yes.

1) I love Owl City. Yes, Adam with his ever-famous song, Fireflies. I love each one of his songs. They calm me, as if I'm in a different world. They give me peace, when I'm messed up. And the lyrics, totally meaningful and can be related to me sometimes. Oh god i cant explain here how much i love Owl City. I swear, i love them so much. I dont know myself. I change a lot. I mean, i love way different bands than Owl City, like My Chemical Romance, Panic At The Disco, Muse, LMFAO, All Time Low, and all that.

2) I'm gaining weight like a fat pig. And i totally hate this fat feeling. I used to be stick thin, anorexic, to be exact. I am recovering, i swore i wont gain even an ounce but now i gained like, 10kgs. I swear im feeling so fat. I miss being brittle, being fragile, and being concerned by everyone. I love the "empty stomach" feeling i used to have. I miss passing out. I miss saying No to foods. I miss that tired feeling i get everytime i never eat. I miss being thin. I miss being anorexic. Yes, i love being a skeleton. I may sound like a weirdo, but there's a reason why. BECAUSE I AM SICK OF BEING FAT.

3) I feel over-protected. But insecure. And i get paranoid easily. I hate this. I totally, effing hate this. I want freedom, i want to do whatever i want, but still be loved. I always feel left-out by everyone; My family, my friends, everyone! And i'd always think that everyone is mad and hate me. When in reality, they are not. Well, at least they act like they're not. Hm.

4) I got tons to say. But i just cant think of any. What is my problem?

Ending today's post here. Thanks for reading, anyone. Okbye. <3

That should be me

That should be me,
Holdin' your hand,
That should be me
Makin' you laugh,
That should be me,
This is so sad,
That should be me,
That should be me,
That should be me,
Feelin' your kiss,
That should be me,
Buyin' you gifts,
This is so wrong,
I can't go on,
Till you believe that,
That should be me

That should be me,
You said you needed a little time
For my mistakes,
It's funny how you used that time 
To have me replaced,
Did you think that I wouldn't see you out at the movies
Whatcha doin' to me,
You're takin' him where we used to go,
Now if you're tryin' to break my heart,
It's working 'cause you know that,

Why couldn't it be me?

We have all had are hearts broken at least once in our lives. There has been that one person that we have loved with all our heart and has not returned that love. When you wake up to that reality you feel like your world has shattered. You feel like you will never love that way again. He is all you think of and becomes your world.

You ask yourself why is this happening to me? Am I not good enough? What's wrong with me? Then, as time goes by, you get the answers to your questions. You begin to realize that it all happened for a reason. You realize the he is not the one for you. 

The more you analyze the person you begin to see the differences. You realize that you don't know that person like you thought you did and they don't know you. Then comes the understanding that you deserve someone who will love, cherish, appreciate you and never take you for granted. 

Once you reach this point, the pain of never having him starts to minimize. It becomes a learning experience. You learn more about yourself. You learn to recognize the qualities you do want in a person. You learn that you will love again and even stronger. 

When two people love each other mutually and give to each other freely that love grows and matures. If it were not for the experience of our broken heart and those lessons we learned along the way we would not be the loving, understanding people we become.

All past hurts teach us and mold us in becoming better people, which give us the tools to create successful relationships. If you are experiencing a broken heart just remember even though you have been hurt and disappointed love will come again just HOPE!

My life.

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, coworker, long-lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger) but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

Make every day count! Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before,and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

It ends tonight.

Bye. x

Bye.

You went off when i told you not too, you said it was the best thing. Yeah for you.
Once he spoke he last words, "Goodbye", he made my tear worth nothing like i was nothing.
Why is it that the bestest memories usually become nightmares?
Why you only left without even saying sorry?
I cry and cry and know i realize you left me with tear inside my soul.
Thank you so much.

To be honest,

Yes. Yes, i still do have feelings for you. Yes, i still do love you.
But past is past.
</3 

Comeback

Hi. Okay, so the last time i made an entry was uhm, a month ago? Lol yeah, was on May. Sorry. I seriously, I dont have the urge to blog about stuff lately. I dont know why. I mean yes, i do. But like, you know, all those kind of stuff.. You see, i went through a lot lately. I have a sad life. Sometimes i feel like killing myself, but i dont know why i never did. Well, uhm, i did try thrice. But neither worked. Guess God really doesnt want me to die? Hm.

So recently, i broke up with my boyfriend. My ex, to be exact. I mean, yes, i do love him. But just that, it's like, we're not meant to be together, you know. We fight a lot, i cry a lot because of him, my parents dont really like him much (and i want their blessing, i'd be happier then), everyone tells me that he's a player, which i think he is? Lol. I have no idea why am i so stupid to even trust him at the first place anyways. He's really good with words. He sweettalked to me, and seduce me all that, and i melted. Damn. This is my biggest problem, i melt over a guy too easily. No, i dont want this. I wanna be that kind of girl who doesnt fall for a guy that easy. Uhm, what do you guys call it, Expensive? Yea, something like that or whatever.

He did ask for a relationship again after we broke up, but i said no. I insisted on being just friends. Bestfriends, to be exact. Because well, i dont know? I feel like my love towards him is decreasing. Because he flirts a lot, he breaks my heart a lot, and all that. We fought a lot, of yes we did. And it sucked ass. Now, we barely contact each other eventhough we both agreed to be "bestfriends". Lol yeah right. He's a freakin' hypocrite and ego much. Yeah, i do understand guys are like that, but i feel like, im not ready yet for relationships and the commitments i have to take. Sad life.

Oh whatever. I dont wanna talk about this crap. I went through a lot, and im sorry i didnt update my blog for a long time. Thats all. My mood is down rn, so mind me. Bye.